July 5

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7 Tools to Improve Your Relationships (All of Them)

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Have you ever, like me, searched for tools to improve your relationships? One of the simplest yet profound teachings that greatly impacted my life was learning, “Life is a relationship.” This concept came from a teaching given by Sri Bhagavan, the spiritual leader and founder of the Oneness University in India.

One other profound thing I learned in searching for tools to improve your relationships truly amazed me — babies. If babies are not nurtured by other humans, they die. Not sure about you, but I can’t think of a better reason to improve all your relationships. We need healthy relationships to live and useful tools can help us do that.

There is an inextricable link between life and relationships. As social beings, our lives gain meaning through the relationships we have and, THIS IS KEY, not through just the relationships we have, but those that we put effort into.

Tools to improve your relationships

There is treasure in any relationship and it’s your job to find it.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

“Keep an open, honest, two-way communication in your relationship. That’s an important tool to learn.” You hear this advice all the time but there is NEVER any feasible option that follows that statement to improve our communication in relationships.

Well today is your lucky day. Because guess what! Open, honest, two-way communication is ideal but many, many, many times it’s not two-way and the communicators don’t even know that is what is happening. And rarely is it open or honest.

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply.

Stephen R. Covey

What is happening is that we are essentially speaking a different language and others don’t understand what we are saying or requesting.

The reason communication is such a struggle is because we are NOT aware of the Core Motive of the person we are wanting to communicate with. (And here’s one of the key tools to improve your relationships). Add to that, we are unaware of our OWN core motive and how to ask people to speak to us.

When we have this information, communication becomes clear, accurate and, best of all, an act of service to our fellow human beings. Get started on that by finding your core Color Code motive. Just go to BestLifeColors.com and READ THE DIRECTIONS. Fill out the quick quiz and get your FREE core motive information to improve all your relationships.

Communicate from the Heart

Imagine easily and quickly learning how the people you are in relationships with love to be spoken to. Learn and watch the magic happen. You can, easily, now armed with one of the most powerful tools to improve your relationships.

Communicating from our hearts strengthens our connection to one another, allowing deeper levels of love to flow between us.

1. LEARN TO LISTEN

Listening is a great skill we should all learn to cultivate. And the test above automatically teaches you this challenging skill. To really listen. Once you take the above test and know your ‘color’ motive, you can then coach your loved ones and people you are in relationships with how to speak to you. AND you also get skills on how to guess the ‘color’ core motive of the people you speak to. Two for One Hit.

Tools to improve your relationships

2. DEVELOP RESPECT FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP

Everyone likes to be respected and your relationship is no different. Cultivating respect for these relationships increases the trust between you, helping your loved ones feel more valued, appreciated and loved. Now by speaking in your peoples’ ‘color’ core motive they feel respected, loved and appreciated.

3. MAKE YOUR PARTNER FEEL SPECIAL

You can make your loved one feel special by recognizing their thoughts, ideas and by praising their efforts and triumphs no matter how small — another one of the powerful tools to improve your relationships. And use Color Code language to do this wonderful thing for those you love.

It’s nice to have our efforts recognized and appreciated, isn’t it? Doing this fosters good feelings between your friends and family, and yourself, promoting greater love and understanding.

4. HAVE COMMON INTERESTS

While it’s important to have your own interests, having common interests, pastimes, goals or projects with the people in your life brings you closer, helps you grow together and increase your mutual connection. Research has shown that having common interests helps spousal and lifetime relationships last longer.

5. WORK ON TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

When conflicts arise, try not to blame. Rather, try to see your part in the situation. During your arguments, use this effective tool to take the finger of blame away from your loved one or friend, bringing responsibility for your feelings back to yourself. This tool is to use “I” rather than “you”. For example, you can say, “I don’t feel listened to” instead of saying, “You never listen to me.”

6. LEARN TO LET GO

This works in tandem with #5. Focus on how you can do better. One of the top tools for improving your relationships and one of the most difficult to learn is to let go of old hurts. It’s a particularly hard thing for most of us to do. Our tendency is to hold onto everything. In a relationship, it’s very important to let go of the little things so they don’t develop into big things. Accept that you may have to back down in arguments sometimes, even when you feel you’re right. Do this in the interest of preserving peace in your relationship and improve all your relationships.

7. LAUGH AND HAVE FUN

On average adults laugh about 20 times a day. On average children laugh about 200 times a day. Be childlike, not childish, childlike. Enjoy all the benefits of laughter. Watch a funny movie with your loved one. Find a joke on the internet. Share a funny story from your day or the past, just for a laugh! LOL

And consider joining the Master Key Experience to get so many more tools to improve your relationships, especially the one you have with yourself!

Read more articles by Davene Januszewski

About the author

Davene Januszewski, CEO of Training Solutions LLC, has been successfully networking and speaking professionally since 1998. She and her husband Mark Januszewski, The World's Laziest Networker are living their dream on the island of Kauai.

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  • I am a real convert to the Color Code insights and hope that everyone will take the opportunity to take the quiz and give it a try. The biggest thing it has done for me is to understand my own core motive and the language that gets through to my heart and my understanding so I get into action. Wish I’d known this decades ago! Thanks so much, Davene!

  • You spoke my language of communication to a “T.”
    I live my life through the compass of my heart.

    LOVE, LISTEN, FORGIVE, MOST OF HAVE FUN; look at life through the lenes of a child. Keeping things simple is KEY.

    Be Happy and go forth and multiply your Definite Major Purpose.

  • I enjoyed your blog about communication. I have noticed the patterns I have set up in some relationships that need correcting. Letting go of being right can be a challenge. Thank you for all the good advice.

  • Thank you, Davene, for sharing this extremely informative blog! I agree that in every relationship there is potential for treasure. I have taught my children and anyone I coach that you should observe any interaction with another person asking yourself the question: Is this interaction for me, for them, for both of us, or for the greater good? Understanding the other person’s color greatly improves the outcome of any interaction because you are speaking their language to them rather than using your own. And, teaching others to speak to you the way you desire to be spoken to is so powerful and comforting. So cool!

    INVITATION: Check out your color: BestLifeColors.com and let us know which one you are.

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