Is it possible for our ego to be a good watch dog for our behavior?
Our behavior impacts how we experience Life and can also impact those around us.
There are so many different kinds of relationships in our lives.
In our immediate vicinity we may have: a love relationship with a partner, relationships with family members and relatives, relationships with co-workers and relationships with friends and acquaintances.
We have been able to choose most relationships ourselves, but family, relatives and colleagues we cannot choose easily, although of course we can choose to take a job or not.
Then we have the kind of relationships where we are included in various contexts as citizens of society and the world. They are not completely unimportant, either.
Regardless of which relationships it is about, the most important relationship is the one we have with (drum roll here) ourselves. From that perspective, I want to highlight something that is extremely important, namely how we relate to ourselves in the first place, and thereby also to others and the rest of the world.
We are Energy
But let’s start by defining ourselves. As I see it, everything is energy. Even ourselves. Everything, including ourselves, is mostly empty space consisting of energy waves. In fact, we are 99.99% void so our perception that we are solid and separate from the rest of everyone else and everything else is pure illusion.
We are energy systems, and as energy systems we affect and are affected by everything around us.
We influence those we hang out with and those we meet through our energies and we also influence the rest of humanity, yes, EVERY living thing, like ripples on the water.
It even extends so far that we influence and are influenced by everything in the Universe.
I even go so far as to say that we are one with everything in the Universe, and everything in the Universe is one with us.
Imagine that you are an energy system that, together with other energy systems, is part of a larger energy system, which in turn is part of an even larger energy system, and so on and so forth. We are part of different energy systems of different sizes that are interconnected, and the biggest of them all is the infinite Universe.
Have you ever stood behind a person who has their back to you and you have been able to feel what state of mind that person is in? Of course, you can read a lot from body language, but if you sense whether the person is happy, sad or angry without the person moving, it must be something other than body language that makes you aware of how that person is feeling.
I’m sure you can list several situations where you’ve just sensed how others are feeling. It is about our energies that touch each other and are actually independent of both time and space. In fact, we also make an impression with our energy.
Have you ever experienced that you entered a room or premises and were able to sense a mood or emotion, for example love, joy, sadness, anger “in the air”.
Or you may have experienced a feeling of happiness or discomfort or any other feeling when you entered a room or premises, even though no one else was there. Then it can be about people who have made an impression with their energies depending on how they relate to themselves and others. If you haven’t experienced it yourself, you may have heard of someone who had such an experience.
Honesty and Ego
In these energy systems there is no room for lies and fraud. And what do I mean by that, you might wonder? The following story may illustrate it.
When I was younger, I often heard the cliché “What you don’t know, will not hurt you”. I had an acquaintance who cheated a little now and then and lived by this cliché, as if it was okay to cheat as long as the wife didn’t find out.
Yes, he had a heart and didn’t want to make his wife sad and heartbroken, but mostly he probably didn’t want her to be disappointed in him. But the wife felt that something was wrong, although she could not put her finger on what it was.
The man was good at living his double life, so for the wife it was just a feeling, something invisible that she picked up on. The wife followed her instincts and trusted what she picked up and everything was revealed and the separation was a fact. The man’s mistress also abandoned him so he ended up all alone.
What do I mean by this, you think? Well, that our energies can never lie. They just are. They come straight up and down with information about what we stand for, who we are and how we operate. Kind of scary when you think about it, especially if you have strong integrity, right?
So if our energy says one thing about us and we ourselves represent something completely different, it becomes a clash for those who are touched by our energy and they feel that there is something about us that is not right.
In fact, there is a clash even within ourselves, which damages ourselves as well, unless of course we are completely lacking in empathy. At least then we don’t feel the conflict within us. So honesty always lasts the longest, both for ourselves and to others. And if you have strong integrity, which of course is perfectly okay to have, it is definitely more viable to be honest in what you choose to show yourself to others.
To be Shaken to One’s Foundations
This thing about truth is a chapter by itself. We are good at deceiving ourselves quite profoundly many times. One sly dog that is actually a big culprit in such dramas is our ego. Dear, dear ego that is not liked or appreciated at all!
We are often told that it is not good to have an ego; that we should work away our ego because it hinders our personal development. Our ego puts sticks in the wheels for frequency increases, for expansion, for liberation and for our development forward and upward. Our ego can make us selfish and self-centered.
The ego can make us think only of ourselves and that is not good at all. I want to highlight another aspect of the ego.
We need the ego as long as we want to develop.
Namely, the ego is our friend, our watchdog that tells us when something unwelcome is wreaking havoc in our system.
When my ego wakes up, I usually thank the ego for making me alert to something that I need to take a closer look at, something that I may not have been aware of at all before but which has definitely not benefited me.
Something that has prevented me from being my true self and that has prevented me from having a clean connection with my soul, my passion, my potential and my higher purpose. The ego never sleeps but always has one eye open because the ego feeds on our inner obstacles.
If we struggle with countering the ego, it is us instead who need to sleep with one eye open to counter the ego whenever this sly dog wants to jump up and get attention. It becomes like trying to silence a child who constantly wants to tell us something. But where does the power come from that makes the ego rise up?
I want to compare the ego to that fool who sits on a strong steel spring in a small box and pops up with force as soon as you open the lid. The power comes from below, that is, from within ourselves and the gaping on the lid are the cracks in our facade.
Our Ego Sends Us Clues
These cracks come from our repressed emotions, our unprocessed emotions and our unmet needs for attention, validation, togetherness, belonging, love, trust, security and much, much more.
The ego makes theses cracks visible to us and also to others, because those cracks are nourishment for the ego and the ego wants more, to be satisfied by all these yucky feelings that gnaw and tear at our system.
Maybe we are ashamed of our cracks or we have managed to fool ourselves so well that we don’t wear them consciously, but they trick us from our subconscious, on a completely unconscious level. And that is exactly why the ego is our friend. No one else knows us as well as our own ego. We cannot deceive our ego with our truths and beliefs about ourselves.
The ego, on the other hand, can deceive us with its strategies to make our unwanted feelings increase in the ego’s food bowl. We can also use strategies to avoid bringing these repressed feelings to the surface.
Be the Objective Observer
We can try by throwing our feelings outside and telling ourselves that others make us feel bad, but hand on heart…. If you are triggered by something or someone else’s behavior, it is something strong that is awakened within you and the ego jumps out of the box inside you like a fool.
What you react to so strongly, someone else may not react to at all. The ego has nothing to say to other people except to yourself. If the ego is violated or battered in some way so that you get out of balance, you have come so far in your development that you have now, perhaps for the first time in your life, reacted to it and are therefore ready to deal with it, transform it or to just let it go, whatever it is.
Otherwise you wouldn’t have reacted to it. You would have continued to be completely oblivious to it. And having as a strategy to keep suppressing feelings and experiences just to prevent the ego from jumping up becomes very backwards in the end.
It’s like getting a guard dog but putting a gag, short leash and muzzle on the dog. No use at all. Instead, trust that you are ready to let it go now that it has surfaced. Because do you want it to remain so that you are triggered again and again by similar situations or behaviors?
And do you really want to think of yourself as a victim who is helpless in the hands of what life has to offer in terms of situations and the behaviors of others that trigger you through the emotional associations you get from past experiences you’ve had?
Or do you want to believe that you yourself decide what happens in your system? That you have the power and no one else? Easy to say, not always easy to do, but you have to start somewhere, right?
The fact is that the ego will always be a part of us. If we pay attention to why the ego asserts itself and if we can see that it is not about actual needs that we have, and if we understand above all that the ego’s yapping is no captain of the ship that should control our feelings, our thoughts or our actions, then we can have a healthy distance to our ego and thank the ego whenever it yelps that it is offended and battered.
Something else that is important to understand is that we ARE not our thoughts and feelings. If we are to be freed from the ego’s grip, we need to de-identify ourselves from our thought processes and feelings. This does not mean that we should stop thinking and feeling, only that we should understand that they are not a determining factor of who we actually are, our true selves.
I have mostly talked about how we can relate to ourselves, but that is also the basis, our foundation, for how we function and relate in our relationships. Because however it is, we filter all our impressions both from within ourselves and from the world around us.
We interpret EVERYTHING we experience and we have the radar up for what we experience that both we and others say, and HOW it is said, and WHAT is said and also what we feel and how we feel and what we think others feel.
Everything happens through our filters, and if we have repressed feelings and needs, it is very strong filters that color them. Most of the time we are not aware of these filters because they are carried by such things that we have pushed away in the unconscious recesses of oblivion or transformed into a truth that has made it easier to bear for the moment.
Having an understanding of this and being humble not only benefits your personal development, it also can heal you from traumas. Above all, it benefits all relationships you are in, as misunderstandings and misinterpretations are given very little space. Plus you get the great joy that love can flourish in a relationship that is supported by respect, understanding and humility.
Do you want to know more how to be your true self and how you can change your life to the life you want?
Then click this link and find out more: Master Key Experience.
Yes, we are energy! Thank you Monica for this reflection.
Thank you Maria for reading and commenting on my blog post. I appreciate it a lot.
Beautiful blog Monica. Thanks for sharing your heart with all of us.
Thank you so much Elena!