Deep and calm
Deep and calm. That’s what I want my soul to be
Lord, take me deeper into my soul
So deep, it is so calm.

Deep and calm
Deep and calm
That’s what you want my soul to be
Lord, help my soul to sit with You
So deep, it is so calm

Deep and calm
Deep and calm
That’s where we want to be together
Lord, nothing will separate me from You
So deep, it is so calm

Deep and calm
Deep and calm
This is where my soul finds rest
Lord, I want to stay with You here
So deep, it is so calm

– Esther Bae

This is a poem that I wrote recently as I was reflecting on my life and my heart’s desire. I want to be able to maintain and stay in this deep and calm place regardless of where I am, what’s going on around me, and what others say or do.

Time Out

It has been a quite a journey over the last 8 years. God started working in me to unravel so much stuff that had been brewing deep in me. I didn’t have any idea how badly I needed His help to realize that I had to work on things inside of me instead of looking at others or the circumstances to blame or complain.

I saw myself in shock of feeling so much toxin coming out of me that I had to take time out to sit with myself. To face my own enemy, myself! It was not my father. mother, brother, husband, kids, or people around me who were the problem.

It was myself who held onto so much stuff from the past which was holding me down from moving forward freely to live my life.

Be with myself

When I first realized that I was in trouble and I really needed to figure out something, I started to go away once a month just “to be away from all” and “be with myself”.

It took a long time for me to be able to finally settle down and calm down enough to see things more clearly. This was a beginning of God helping me to face my own issues internally and to start being honest with myself to acknowledge things for what they were.

I had so much pride in me that I was so judgmental of myself and others. I was not able to enjoy my life when I was being so judgemental of either myself or others. How could it be possible to enjoy when you are so full of yourself?

Help showed up to achieve deep and calm

As God started working in me, He brought me to the Master Key Experience course, which helped me immensely to work with my thought patterns and clearing my mind from all the clutters.

I’ve gained great tools to discover who truly I am and to live my life on purpose and for purpose. It was truly an amazing journey that I’ve been on since then (Sep 2017 to March 2018) as I’ve continued with the Master Key Experience community still to this day.

Additionally I was able to continue my internal journey with Spiritual Formation courses at Moody Bible Institute from Jan 2019 to June 2020.

Below is one of the prayers that I wrote by the beach where I did many quiet times.

Yes, Lord, I am less than the least of the saints, but you love me so!

Here I am sitting by the beach, feeling this gentle breeze over me. I am thankful for your gentle whispering of this truth. I need your constant help to realize that I am truly less than the least of the saints when I can see myself as the selfish, arrogant, egotistic, proud, and judgemental person I am.

Oh Lord, who am I to judge anyone of their motives, actions or behaviours when I don’t have a full picture of that person? How dare am I to stand between You and my fellow man when you are looking at them with such a love that says that You love them!

Help me, Lord, that I can step aside from my fellow man and only look to You who is the rightful judge and loving Father! When I look to You and stand in Your presence, only then can I see myself clearly and also others the way You see them and myself.

This is the only way for me to be able to live in You and for You. Any other way is all my own doing and all selfish and unholy motives that need to be reflected back into Your Holy presence to be exposed and revealed to put things in the rightful place and perspective.

What a lovely, joyful, and peaceful place to be as this is the only place I know that I’m fully loved as I am and You love each and everyone the same way regardless of who we are and what we’ve done.

Nothing will stand between You and us but only Jesus our Lord and Saviour who You love so deeply and You accept us through Him. Hallelujah, praise the Lord for this amazing love that we can stand fully and confident. This is the truth and hope that gives us rightful standing and humble posture before You.

Remind me and bring me to this place over and over to wash away my own makings of my stance and others’ until I can’t help but to stay here all the time!

Take off all those filthy rags that I’ve been putting on for so long, and carried on. dragging so heavy over me. I want You to rip them off layer after layer to be completely off of me to be “just as I am, a naked me” before You.

The true me who You see and who You created me to be. Standing Naked and Unashamed before You! Yes, Lord, that is what I desire!

– Esther Bae

Present

Now, on this day and at this moment I can say very confidently “I am free and living my life in much joy, peace and love”. I’ve shared with my family and people around me that I can die today and be very happy, no regrets. But I know I still have things to do in this life before my Heavenly Father calls me back Home.

This is my Big Dream that I am holding onto right now.

My Definite Major Purpose

I am a peaceful warrior who creates a Sanctuary of Peace “Deep and Calm” offering one-on-one and small group sessions at the GreenHill Lake starting before April 27, 2025 and I complete my own program before Jan 31, 2025.

How about you? Are you living a life of desperation or of life free and fulfilled? You can also get to this place if you start working on yourself and you deserve the best life you are meant to be living. Why not join the Master Key Experience course this September and find out for yourself!