July 17


Learning How to Ask and Receive

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From my experience, it is difficult for many people to ask for what they want and even to give themselves permission to receive it once they do. I’d like to share an experience I recently had that helped me ask and receive.

I attended the Master Key Experience (MKE) live event on Kauai for over a week. Participants from Australia, Europe, Canada, and the United States participated. Many people come a day or two early to enjoy the beautiful Hawaiian weather, beaches, and hikes.

I live in Honolulu, so my trip was much shorter than anyone else’s. On the second day, I went hiking at the Sleeping Giant. My hiking partners were Terri, Stephany, Wes, and Scott. They were there attending the event also. We met at the hotel and decided to go hiking. I had never met them before, but we all took the MKE course.

“Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your good health has vanished”.

Og Mandino

Early in the hike, we hit a little more challenging spot. Everyone else went up, and I did not because I have balance issues.

There were two possible spots to go up, and I wouldn’t say I liked either one. I was also concerned that if I could get up, it would be harder to come down.

My hiking partners encouraged me to get up, but I was afraid. So, I told them to go up without me.

I was the driver, so I could have waited in the car. They refused to go without me. I didn’t want to hold them up or cause them to miss going to the top.

So, I picked the way up that seemed safer to me. I managed to get up without help. I was relieved to make it up, but more importantly, I was so grateful that these four people I met only a couple of hours ago were so supportive.

I never expected that kind of support and thanked them several times. It was great to receive their support.

That night we had a mastermind session, and someone asked about ego. Mark Januszewski, co-founder of the MKE course, went on for a while, and then I asked Mark if my ego caused me to not ask for help or want to accept help.

He said it was, and it was not good to refuse the offer of help or ask for help.

I explained what happened hiking and how I tried refusing help but then accepted it and was so grateful for the kindness they showed.

The lesson learned is to be willing to ask for and receive the offer of help.

It is beneficial for both parties. It is simple but not necessarily intuitive.

Ask and Detach

During the second session, we covered detachment. Detachment from an outcome gives you power. Attachment creates fear. When you are attached, you have fantasies about the outcome.

We make up a story, believe it, and then set limits on what is possible. So, if you want to ask someone out on a date and are attached to the outcome, you may not even ask because you fear rejection. So you never even give yourself a chance. If you are detached, you ask. If you are rejected, you accept it and move on. You gave yourself a chance.

“Do all things with love.”

Og Mandino

Even though I went through this training, it did not all sink in. All week at the event, I wanted something to happen. Instead of just asking, I tried to get it to happen in other ways. Toward the end of the week, I thought it might not happen.

Receive the Gift of Awareness

Luckily it did happen. I stressed myself more because I was attached and did not ask. For a week, I did not realize I should have just asked for what I wanted.

Then I went to the workbook and reviewed the material. You would think that I would know what I’m doing then. Not quite so. This week I was attached to an outcome. The situation did not turn out how I wanted. Luckily, it only took two days to realize this instead of a week. There was a reasonably high anxiety level during those two days. I realized that I created the anxiety myself.

This time, I wanted to say something instead of asking for something.

I said things that hinted at what I wanted to say without saying it.

Then I realized I just needed to say what I meant and let things happen.

I don’t know how things will turn out, but I am willing just to let it happen. It is empowering to clearly say what we mean and detach from the outcome.

I will be happier because I don’t have the outcome in mind, so I will not worry about it. I’ll accept it. It may turn out better that way or maybe not. I’ll be happy either way.

Will I always catch myself? I like to think so. I’ll probably slip up sometimes or maybe a lot for a while. Hopefully, when I do, I’ll catch it early. I’m a work in progress, just like everyone else.

I am rare, and there is value in all rarity; therefore, I am valuable.

Og Mandino

It seems like sometimes my work takes a jackhammer to accomplish anything. Getting to a place where I only need a little nudge would be nice. Maybe someday. Until then, I’ll keep working on it and applying what I have learned from the Master Key Experience.

If you were intrigued by my story and would like to know more about the Master Key Experience, click here to hop on the early notification list for the next course that starts in September.

Read more articles by John Harris

About the author

I live in Honolulu, Hawaii, after spending most of my life in the suburbs of Chicago. I am a triathlete who has survived four Ironman races and works Security in a Honolulu hospital. With help, I am growing and overcoming my introversion and self-worth issues. I assist others in overcoming the obstacles that have prevented them from obtaining the life they desire.

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  • John, your direct and clear writing is wonderful to read and learn from. Thanks for reminding our MasterMind about what works and doesn’t work in the giving and receiving, the speaking up and not speaking up! 🙂

  • I love your post, thank you John for sharing your personal story in Kauai to illustrate these critical topics of asking and detachement, as it makes them alive and transparent!

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