7 Ways to Discover What You Truly Want

The self-talk of childhood begins with voices that are not our own. Parents, teachers, relatives, and society all leave impressions.

One of the first things adults say to a child who is beginning to explore the world is: “Be careful.”

Of course, they mean well. They are trying to protect the child.

But after hearing enough messages about danger, approval, rules, expectations, and fitting in, many of us slowly learn a different lesson: “What I want is less important than what has been decided for me.”

Be careful! We are warned to “Be careful.” But is that what your soul is truly looking for? Is a careful life what you truly want?

Have you ever stopped long enough to ask yourself a difficult question: “What Do I Actually Want?” Not what your family expected. Not what society rewards. Not what looks successful from the outside.

But what you truly want.

For many people, this question feels surprisingly difficult to answer. That is not because they are confused or incapable. It is because most people slowly become disconnected from themselves over time.

The outside world is loud. Expectations are loud. Pressure is loud. Approval is loud.

And after years of trying to be responsible, successful, accepted, helpful, productive, or “good enough,” many people lose touch with the quiet voice inside them that once knew exactly who they were.

The good news is that this connection can be rebuilt. You do not need to reinvent your entire life overnight. You simply need to begin listening to yourself again.

The Truth About Discovering What You Really Want

Why So Many People Lose Touch With What They Truly Want

Most people were never taught how to identify their authentic desires.

Instead, they were taught how to:
• fit in
• perform well
• avoid disappointment
• gain approval
• meet expectations

Over time, external voices become louder than internal truth. But your real desires often leave clues.

They appear through:
• recurring interests
• emotional energy
• curiosity
• moments of peace
• things that make you feel fully alive

Discovering what you truly want is less about “creating” yourself and more about reconnecting with the parts of yourself that may have been buried under years of pressure and distraction.

1. Pay Attention to What Drains You

One of the clearest signs that you are living out of alignment is chronic emotional exhaustion. This does not necessarily mean you are lazy, weak, or unmotivated. Sometimes exhaustion comes from constantly trying to be someone you are not.

Many people spend years living according to:
• expectations
• obligations
• appearances
• roles they never consciously chose

Eventually the soul grows tired. Have you ever noticed that some activities leave you energized while others leave you emotionally depleted—even if both require effort?

That matters.

Your energy is often trying to tell you something.

Pay attention to:
• conversations that energize you
• environments where you feel peaceful
• work that feels meaningful
• people around whom you can fully relax

Likewise, notice what consistently makes you feel:
• anxious
• heavy
• emotionally numb
• disconnected
• pressured to perform

These are important clues. But what do you do with them?

To start with, how can you rearrange things in your life so more of your time is spent with uplifting influences and less in situations which take you to an emotionally unhealthy place?

As you observe yourself, and learn what creates positive and negative results in your life, you gain the power to bring change.

2. Notice What You Secretly Envy

Envy Can Reveal Hidden Desires

Most people think envy is purely negative. But sometimes envy contains information. Sometimes it reveals unlived parts of ourselves.

For example:
• You may envy someone’s freedom.
• Someone else’s creativity.
• Another person’s courage.
• A peaceful lifestyle.
• Meaningful relationships.
• Work that feels purposeful.

The important question is not: “Why do they have that?”

The more important question is: “Why does that deeply affect me?”

Not all envy is toxic. Sometimes it reveals desires we have been afraid to admit. So how can this information be used to discover what you truly want?

A Practical Exercise: Paired Comparisons

Have you ever heard of “Paired Comparisons?” It’s a pretty cool way of taking a list of 10-12 things comparing them each against each other 2 at a time and ending up with a ranked order of preference.

Come up with your list of 10-12 items, compare #1 against each of 2-10, then compare #2 with each of 3-10, etc. For each comparison, give the preferred one a check mark. Then tally the check marks for each of 1-10 and the tallies will give you the order.

This may not give you the final answer you are looking for but it will tell you something important and be a great place to anchor you journey of self-discovery.

3. Remember Who You Were Before the World Told You Who to Be

I am so grateful to be watching my young granddaughter as she learns how to be a human by observing and recording everything, playing with language, experimenting with all she sees and touches, and testing the limits of her behavior, to name a few.

She does what she wants to do. In the earliest days she would look to her mother for how to read a situation. She wouldn’t know how to react to it without first seeing that her mother approved. Those powers of observation are necessary for a child from the very beginning.

Child Meets Magnifying Glass

Recently I gave her a small magnifying glass. I didn’t have a plan to teach her how to use it, but after a bit I realized I could catch an insect and demonstrate that it made things look bigger. She became fascinated by the possibilities and went all over the place making discoveries. She didn’t need me to tell her what to look at, she tried everything.

That childish freedom and lack of self-consciousness along with a growing self-awareness is key to this important phase of our lives. It is worth going back to remember.

One of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is this: “What did I naturally love before I became overly concerned with approval?”

Children are often naturally drawn toward:
• creativity
• curiosity
• imagination
• exploration
• meaning
• connection

But as life progresses, many people begin shaping themselves around acceptance and survival. Slowly, they stop listening to themselves.

Roll Back Time To Your Earliest Memories For Answers

Think back for a moment. What fascinated you when you were younger? What activities made you lose track of time? What felt meaningful before practicality took over everything?

The answers may still contain important truth. Your authentic self rarely disappears completely. It usually becomes quiet. And easy to ignore.

Reflection Questions

Take a few quiet minutes and ask yourself:
• When do I feel most alive?
• What topics endlessly interest me?
• What kind of life feels peaceful—not merely impressive?
• What do I admire deeply in others?
• What have I always wanted but rarely allowed myself to explore?
• What would I pursue if I knew nobody would judge me?

You do not need immediate answers, but begin to write down the answers you have. Start a journal of rediscovering who you really are and want to become. The goal is awareness.

4. Spend More Time in Silence and Reflection

Modern Life Constantly Pulls Attention Outward.
• Phones.
• News.
• Noise.
• Social media.
• Pressure.
• Busyness.

Distraction makes self-awareness difficult. Many people are terrified of silence because silence forces honesty. But clarity often begins when noise decreases.

This does not require hours of meditation on a mountaintop. It can begin simply. Make Space For Silence In Your Life

You might:
• take quiet walks
• journal in the morning
• pray
• sit outside without your phone
• drive without constant audio
• spend time alone reflecting

You might consider setting aside 15 minutes every day to sit quietly, without moving and gently silencing any mental distractions that come up, all the while spending time in silence reflecting on what you really want.

There is wisdom inside you that cannot be heard while life is constantly shouting over it. If you only make one change, pick this one. Pick #4.

5. Stop Asking What Looks Successful

This is one of the biggest traps in modern life. Many people build lives designed to impress others rather than fulfill themselves.

They chase:
• status
• appearance
• achievement
• external validation

Yet many outwardly successful people still feel deeply empty inside.

Why? Because fulfillment and approval are not the same thing.

A life that looks impressive from the outside may still feel disconnected internally.

Instead of asking: “What will make me look successful?”

Try asking:
• What feels meaningful?
• What feels peaceful?
• What feels honest?
• What kind of life actually fits me?
• What relationships make me feel fully accepted?
• What work feels worthwhile?

Real fulfillment usually feels quieter than ego-driven success. But it also feels far more stable.

6. Allow Yourself to Change

One reason people remain stuck is because they feel trapped by old identities.

Maybe you became:
• the responsible one
• the achiever
• the caretaker
• the peacemaker
• the strong one

Over time, roles can become prisons. Growth requires permission to evolve.

You are allowed to:
• change your priorities
• develop new interests
• rethink success
• create healthier boundaries
• become more honest
• pursue a different path

There is nothing selfish about becoming more aligned with who you truly are. There is a difference between abandoning people and abandoning yourself. How can you be authentic if you abandon yourself? How can your abandoned self truly be of help to others?

That distinction matters deeply.

A craftsman uses all the best tools to finely hone his product. We want to take advantage of all we can to move through this process with the highest left of success possible. In a future article we’ll explore why fear keeps so many people from pursuing what they truly want.

7. Start Small Instead of Reinventing Your Entire Life

Many people become overwhelmed because they think self-discovery requires dramatic action. It usually does not.

You do not necessarily need to:
• quit your job tomorrow
• move across the country
• completely rebuild your life

Often clarity comes through small experiments. Small honest steps. Small moments of courage.

You might:
• take a class
• begin writing
• volunteer
• reconnect with creativity
• explore a forgotten interest
• spend more time in nature
• start having honest conversations
• create quiet space in your schedule

Action creates clarity. Not the other way around.

The goal is not perfection. The goal is reconnection.

But know that a very small rudder has the power to change the direction of a large vessel.

Why Authentic Living Feels So Scary

Living authentically sounds beautiful in theory. But in reality, it can feel frightening.

Why?

Because authenticity risks:
• judgment
• misunderstanding
• disappointing others
• uncertainty
• change

Many people fear that choosing themselves means becoming selfish. But healthy authenticity is not selfishness. It is honesty.

You were never designed to become a copy of everyone else. Part of becoming emotionally healthy is learning to honor who you truly are instead of constantly reshaping yourself for approval.

Ironically, the more authentic people become, the more peaceful and grounded they often feel.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I know if my dreams are truly mine?

One clue is emotional alignment. Dreams rooted in external pressure often create constant anxiety and emptiness.

Your purpose usually creates a deeper sense of meaning, peace, energy, or emotional resonance—even when difficult. When our purpose, deepest needs, and core motivations align, life gains clarity and momentum.

Without alignment you will meander along in quiet desperation, lacking the power to receive the gift of knowing your true self and discovering what you truly want.

Is it selfish to prioritize what I really want?

Not necessarily. Healthy self-awareness allows people to live more honestly and sustainably. There is a difference between selfishness and self-respect.

When we respect who we are, seeking to be our true self, we are on a journey to become that self we were always meant to be. In that process, we necessarily help others to do the same in their lives. There is no selfishness in that.

When we are satisfied, we are whole. When we discover what we truly want we are at peace.

What if I discover I want something completely different?

That can feel unsettling at first. But many people discover that growth naturally changes priorities over time.

You are allowed to evolve, or even better, reorient yourself. Get yourself a compass. Think of your life as a journey guided by a compass rather than a map.

A map tells you exactly where to go. A compass simply points you in the right direction.

When you discover what you truly want, you don’t always receive a detailed plan. Sometimes you simply receive a new direction.

If your life since age 7 has only been about doing what others want and following the path they have laid out for you, how does that make you feel?

Is your life a place where you are comfortable but maybe NOT happy?

What might it be like to strip off all the stuff other people have placed on you and find the ONE THING that makes you happy?

Imagine yourself on the precipice of a bold new adventure in which you unite that cautiously fearless child with the dreams long abandoned due to self-doubt and limiting belief. How would your life be different?

Can people rediscover themselves later in life?

Absolutely. Many people begin reconnecting with themselves in midlife or later after years of living according to external expectations.

With all the wisdom and experiences you have to draw upon, there is so much to be gleaned and applied. What is it that makes you happy? When was the last time you felt pure joy?

A child doesn’t stop and think about how others will react to the emotion they are feeling at any given time. The raw emotion is simply expressed.

Adults have the ability to use emotions as tools for learning about themselves as well as shaping their behavior and obtaining what they truly desire. It is never too late to become more authentic.

Final Thoughts

You do not need to solve your entire life today. You do not need perfect clarity overnight. And you do not need permission to begin listening to yourself more honestly.

The truth is that many people spend years disconnected from their own desires because they were busy becoming what everyone else expected them to be. And can you see how that fits in with what happens to a child over time?

All the early years a child is recording everything that happens and it is stored in the subconscious mind. That information has the ability to control behavior and decisions as the child grows into adulthood.

But the quiet voice inside you never fully disappears. It waits patiently beneath the noise.

Sometimes discovering what you truly want is not about becoming someone new. Sometimes it is about returning to who you were before fear, pressure, and approval taught you to hide parts of yourself. The external world is a perfect reflection of your inner world. You possess the ability to change the outer world through changing your inner world.

And that journey can begin with one honest question: “Do I need to change what is going on internally so that my life reflects what I want it to be?”

When I watch my granddaughter explore the world, I am reminded that authenticity is our natural state.

She does not spend her days wondering if she is good enough. She does not ask permission to be curious. She simply moves toward what interests her.

Somewhere along the way many of us forget how to do that. The journey of discovering what you truly want may simply be the journey of remembering.

It’s Time to Discover What You Truly Want

What is one desire, interest, or dream you may have ignored because of outside expectations?

Or maybe you tasted it for awhile but had to put it aside and a busy life never allowed you to return.

There are so many reasons why we can lose track of who we are at the deepest level. Take time now to go back to that time and place.

Bring it out of dormancy by warmth and nourishment, and when you can sense it is coming to life again, dwell there. Take five quiet minutes today and write honestly about it.

Sometimes clarity begins with simple honesty.

Start with a quiz to learn more about yourself!

The Master Key Experience is all about discovering what you want and helping you to make it a reality. Check it out HERE.