Did you know that you have a choice in how you feel or how you react to a situation? Don’t believe me? Did reading that first sentence already start a small ripple reaction in your thoughts?

Grumbling small thoughts of disapproval or sarcasm starting to kick in… But what if I told you, you really can and it is ALL within your power?

A few years ago my other half and I started the process of adopting two girls through Child and Family Services. I knew the mother. The girls had been in care three different times, and it was quite apparent that they were not going to be returning home.

We could see one kid already about to give up on everything and we thought that we would be better than them aging out in care. Naturally their mom thought this would be a great idea, as she thought she would still have full access.

I Had a Choice

Time passed with meetings, therapy, court dates, TGO, PGO… finally to full kinship care and adoption. As I worked with my kids and the authorities that be, I learned many things I wished not to know, and I got MAD. I got ANGRY. I got so fired and charged up on history.

I was losing my soul to this deep residing hatred that was brewing inside of me. To the point that I even recall saying “She will keep me out of heaven”… but I wasn’t willing to let go of my intense emotions in “protection of my kids.” I forgot to look in the mirror and say, “You have a choice!”

Who was I protecting harbouring any of this anger? Do you think this anger was only directed at the mother? Or did it seep into my life, my character, my decisions in everything?

It was like a poison slowly taking over every aspect or corner of my life. I was curt, short, rude, disapproving, and rarely impressed with anything. Nothing was good enough at that point.

I asked you who I was protecting with this? But who won? Was I winning with this? Did she win? Did she care one iota what I was harbouring? Not in the least. I ‘stole’ her kids. I was the bad person.

You Have a Choice

Happy or sad? It made no effect on her, but it did effect every single relationship I had … including and especially my relationships with my kids. They needed a mom, love and care. Not more anger and pain.

Fast forward six years and this spring I sat down with their mom and had a heart to heart. About her and I, some of the struggles with the girls, real life stuff. I tried to get us all on the same page, for once for the sake of the kids. That is how these things work. After all, you have a choice, I remembered.

Together for strength and growth. I felt that we actually got somewhere and that maybe after six years we could move towards a better space for the girls. I wanted this more than anything for them, and for us.

What’s Past is Passed

We used to be best friends a long time ago. I’m exhausted trying to sort between the narcissistic lying and the truth. I want to just take it all at face value as truth.

I have grown a lot in the last six years. We all have and I have done a lot of personal work to try and realign my thoughts and my intentions, to remind myself, “Hey, you have a choice!”

I want to keep company that has a similar vibration, that wants to see difference and will go out and make it happen.

I want to be surrounded by people with bigger ideas than me, and I’m always learning and growing. I tell my girls all the time, if you aren’t growing, you are dying and you have a choice.

The Master Key Experience has taught me to not take “no” and just lay down, to not be disappointed with failure, but to learn from the mistakes and use it to grow and fuel the fire. They remind the community members, “You have a choice?”

The Choice Challenge

So back to my question… Did you know you have a CHOICE in how you react or respond? Two weeks ago I was approached by a friend in church saying they met the girls’ mom. To which she continued to tell me that she heard a bunch of ‘not so nice’ things about me.

My heart kinda sank as I tried to not let my face show what my heart was feeling. I finished my conversation and went to sit in the car while I waited for the kids’ class to be finished. I sat as my girl friend’s words repeated in my head. All I could think was, “I thought we were past this.”

Now she did not disclose what was said, nor did I ask. I didn’t want or need to know. But as I sat there feeling hurt and old wounds ripped open again, I said to myself I have the choice how I react to this information.

I have the CHOICE to be angry, I have the choice to be hurt… or I have the choice to not let it enter my brain, or heart. I have the choice to not have it impact me.

Have you ever heard of the “Law of Dual Thought”? The Law of Dual Thought states that thought is a combination of ideation and feeling. Meaning that we can attach any feeling to a thought or idea that we want. Basically, you have a choice.

What if you told yourself that a red light was you taking 20-30 seconds just to be calm with nothing happening? Or what if your husband/wife starts complaining about you or your mom, and you choose to look and say, I hear you and I am sorry you feel this way, I have no control over this, but how can I help here?

Or I understand you are upset, let me help with… How about if the kids broke something and it was a short breath in, what happened? How?

Could this have been avoided? What are we going to do differently? Let’s clean this up. Not so much as a raised eyebrow.

I have struggled writing this blog for a bit now, as I know everything I write here is true, and yet I still allow my old blueprint, or habits, to react without thinking. Without using control. None of this old hurt is helping or facilitating anything good… so why am I hanging on so hard?

Let it go. Never let it in actually. I’m working on this along with the 7-Day Mental Diet, moving towards removing the negative thoughts entirely, and embracing only LOVE for all those I come in contact with.

Right now it’s still a day-to-day. But each day that passes I get 1% better, knowing that I create everything around me, good or bad. I wish you all an incredible week, and once again… Did you know that you have a choice?